Hey I'm back! I feel terrible for neglecting my blog, but then again I really don't know what to do with it sometimes. I keep thinking that one day I'll have a consistent topic to talk about that doesn't involve rants and complains but to be honest I haven't been able to find anything like that to talk about.
That being said, this is really just another rant from me. So to begin, here's a question, have you ever been compared to someone before? No, its not a trick question, in fact its pretty redundant to ask that question but gotta start somewhere you know?
Anyway, one thing I find I hate very much is to have myself compared to other people. Oh and might I add complained about, in front of other people, within your presence, annoyingly, just out of range. >_>
Now and then you go to some place and either both or one of your parents go "haih... my son ahhh... don't know what to do with him la" bla bla bla, and "if only he is like so and so" bla bla bla, the list isn't really that long and to be honest rather predictable. The annoying thing is that sometimes this kind of conversations happen in gatherings where your parents are off somewhere and you are bored out of your mind in some obscure corner, or if you're lucky it would be a family gathering and you are off chatting with your cousins. Then you somehow overhear your name mentioned by none other than one of your parents and you get this sinking feeling that its not something good.
Now what pisses me off is that you catch your name mentioned and know they are somehow talking bad about you, but you just can't pick out exactly what they are saying.
Its times like this that I go "ARGHHHH WTF! What now? I have my parents kind of like talking behind my back! Can't really know what they are saying but I somehow know its about me!" and the sad thing is you don't dare to go ask the people they were talking to about what your parents told them because they are basically strangers. ~>_<~
Am I paranoid? I sure am not! Let me tell you one thing, I actually pride myself on my hearing. I can pick out random conversations in a noisy background if conditions allowed, but it just wasn't the case today. I was in a conversation with my cousin, stupid brats screaming in the background, and finally the conversation was a good 10 feet away from me, behind the screen of annoying bratty frequencies, in rather normal conversational tones.
In other words, I wasn't meant to hear it! But somehow I just managed to pick out this particular sentence, "if only my son is like..." and I went "wtf talking behind my back again???" GAHHH WHY ME!!?? Sure I'm not smart, I'm not handsome, I'm not good at what I'm studying, but ITS YOUR GENES! DON'T BLAME ME FOR WHAT I'M BORN WITH! You got something to say, say it to my face!
Why does everyone I know talk behind my back? Sure I have a bad temper, sure I might blow up in your face if you say it in front of me, but its gonna be worse if you use whispered tones to tell other people of what you are not happy about me! Its me you are talking about! Not happy tell me! Whats this going around trying to tell people your son is not as smart as so and so? Betting on my hearing and hoping I'll take a hint? Hoping my intellect and IQ level will miraculously shoot through the ceiling? How presumptuous! Such hypocrisy!
Hey tell you something funny, let me show you how irony and hypocrisy surrounds us. There happily a parent talks to others telling them to understand their kids and be good parents, and failed to do so themselves. Hypocrisy + irony = double whammy+ ggnormk
To all to-be-becoming parents (not my parent :) ), don't talk to other people about trying to understand their kids and about parenthood when you fail to be a good parent yourself. Only one word describes such bullshit; hypocrisy, and I'm sick of it.
Friday, 31 October 2008
Friday, 10 October 2008
Who needs a title? -_-'
"Growing up is a pain!" is probably something you've heard many people exclaim before, one time too many. Admittedly I've gradually grown up these past few years exclaiming that line quite a few times myself. Heck, I still do sometimes, am still whiny about how tough life can be, and overall grew up to be...rather cynical at times.
People seem to take things at face value, something I've used to my advantage these few years. Put on a mask and a persona to fool the world, and they might just glance right over you; makes things easier. That is not to say that other people are not the same, in fact I'm more inclined to believe that almost everyone puts on a mask of their own. Some friends who are closer to me in recent years (my school friends haven't really mix with me much since..graduation from school) would call me two-faced; of course, they are referring to my behavior. I think I picked a persona that is too weak so much so that people get the impression that I'm easy to bully. However, that's definitely not the case and it's more like I don't want to retaliate. Some of my long time friends probably know of my explosive temper when I was younger. I haven't really had anything trigger any explosions lately, something I'd like to attribute to my growing control over my emotions. I'd like to think so really, but maybe it's not really that. I dunno.
What's the point of this post you ask? If you've been reading my posts, you should know by now that more than half the time... I never make any sense. Anyway, growing up is still a pain. I find so many defects with myself physically and mentally (shit I'm gaining weight where I don't want them to...), makes me wonder if I'll ever snag myself a girlfriend; probably not. "Time flies!" eventually becomes so cliche you don't even bother spouting that line anymore, and you get to tell younger people that you "ate more salt than you ever did rice!" Neglecting the fact that salt is pretty widely used in a number of dishes. "Come back again after you have eaten more celery than rice" is what I'll tell you if you say that line to my face.
I think I'm thinking too much. Wait scratch that...I KNOW I think too much and it's actually very much in my nature to think too much, but still not be able to predict and figure out everything. Wish I was born a genius or something, would have made life hella easier. Tough month+uncertainties+growing pains=definitely very melancholic day for me.
People seem to take things at face value, something I've used to my advantage these few years. Put on a mask and a persona to fool the world, and they might just glance right over you; makes things easier. That is not to say that other people are not the same, in fact I'm more inclined to believe that almost everyone puts on a mask of their own. Some friends who are closer to me in recent years (my school friends haven't really mix with me much since..graduation from school) would call me two-faced; of course, they are referring to my behavior. I think I picked a persona that is too weak so much so that people get the impression that I'm easy to bully. However, that's definitely not the case and it's more like I don't want to retaliate. Some of my long time friends probably know of my explosive temper when I was younger. I haven't really had anything trigger any explosions lately, something I'd like to attribute to my growing control over my emotions. I'd like to think so really, but maybe it's not really that. I dunno.
What's the point of this post you ask? If you've been reading my posts, you should know by now that more than half the time... I never make any sense. Anyway, growing up is still a pain. I find so many defects with myself physically and mentally (shit I'm gaining weight where I don't want them to...), makes me wonder if I'll ever snag myself a girlfriend; probably not. "Time flies!" eventually becomes so cliche you don't even bother spouting that line anymore, and you get to tell younger people that you "ate more salt than you ever did rice!" Neglecting the fact that salt is pretty widely used in a number of dishes. "Come back again after you have eaten more celery than rice" is what I'll tell you if you say that line to my face.
I think I'm thinking too much. Wait scratch that...I KNOW I think too much and it's actually very much in my nature to think too much, but still not be able to predict and figure out everything. Wish I was born a genius or something, would have made life hella easier. Tough month+uncertainties+growing pains=definitely very melancholic day for me.
Friday, 3 October 2008
Can't understand why, but I guess thats just how it is
You know how sometimes you feel a bit torn about which stance to take? Guys like to say "I don't need a gf." and you wonder if its that or that he just can't get one. Or maybe thinking that being single is not that bad and all, but now and then that pang of loneliness comes and you just hope you have a special someone to spend your time with.
Someone once said to me, humans are like that. Humans can't run away from the need of companionship. They crave attention, however little it may be. They crave recognition, for what they do. So the question is, is it wrong to lie to yourself and say you don't need that kind of companionship, even if deep down you crave for it?
I wouldn't say I crave for it, but sometimes you just wonder I guess. Its really funny how humans can be so indecisive. Maybe the perks of being single is worth being alone, but still some one to have someone to tell their funny stories to, someone you call every now and then to talk about what's going on. I guess good/best friends work too, but does it always? It might I think, I once had a friend like that, but we somehow drifted apart due to our individual lives. Kind of sad eh?
I'll be in 4th sem in about 2 months time or so, and it really amazes me how time flew. Sometimes the passage of time can just go by like that, you blink and suddenly you're in your early twenties. Because of that, you wish you have someone by your side, recording every moment of it. Sure life is full of ups and downs, more downs for some, and more ups for some. Can't be help, this world isn't fair. Whoever told you the world will turn right side up because its round should go fly a kite, lol.
Opinions differ, that's why we have individuals. The world would be a sad sad place if everyone is the same. Imagine everyone thinking Barney is their best friend. *shudders* You get friends who say "girls are troublesome, don't bother", and friends who say "I enjoy being with my gf". Then of course you get the total opposite, singles who can't get any gf, and people who are having a hard time dealing with their gf.
Really, 18 years 10 months 3 days 23 hours of living, and I honestly still don't understand how girls think. Its like what a character in a story I once read, said "just when you think you are starting to understand them, they go and do something that changes your understanding of them completely. Its like one big fun game for them, like the boys must never understand them to keep things interesting." Then when things get screwed up they blame you for not understanding them, man I seriously don't comprehend.
Its really not surprising why some people can't decide whether they want to pursue a romantic relationship or not, because of the above reasons. Guess people look at some and wonder why they can be so happy and comfortable with what they have. If you ask me, maybe they aren't any better off, its just that they learn to cope with it better and accept things as it is. An admirable trait in a human being, bordering on extinction.
So where do I go? I guess you could categorize me as one of those who can't really decide whether they are happy being single or not. I keep thinking that my graduation is nearing, time just went by like that without anyone sharing it with me.
My parents only care about the results, me graduating and getting a job, and not the process. If you want me to be honest, they failed as parents in many respects. I want to believe they try their best, but sometimes its just so hard.
My brother doesn't talk to me much, he's just like me when I was younger, friends only no family. But I guess I'm not in position to comment on that.
My best friends have drifted so far from me, and one of them doesn't even know anything about me. Its sad really, for communication is two ways, and I'm just as guilty for not keeping in touch. I haven't made any new friends whom I can share my troubles with, and as a person I think that's sad, because when you are stressed and all you have no one to go to.
I guess this is the reason for my broodiness. Being left alone, humans grow to doubt their own worth. In the end, where will one find refuge when there is no one offering? Do my parents see my worth for what it is? Not demanding more than I can give? I feel rather uncertain about my future, when I was told to prepare my resume before I even graduate, I looked at myself and I asked what I can put in it. I came up with nothing.
I think I know how Peter Pan feels now. Growing up isn't fun, and it'll never be. But look on the bright side, at least you grow to see things more clearly. Experience teaches a lot after all, and exposure to the world for a long time is certainly the best teacher. What I hope is, life would really turn right side up for me some day. If it doesn't, I'm gonna tell the next person who gives me that bullshit to go fly a kite.
Someone once said to me, humans are like that. Humans can't run away from the need of companionship. They crave attention, however little it may be. They crave recognition, for what they do. So the question is, is it wrong to lie to yourself and say you don't need that kind of companionship, even if deep down you crave for it?
I wouldn't say I crave for it, but sometimes you just wonder I guess. Its really funny how humans can be so indecisive. Maybe the perks of being single is worth being alone, but still some one to have someone to tell their funny stories to, someone you call every now and then to talk about what's going on. I guess good/best friends work too, but does it always? It might I think, I once had a friend like that, but we somehow drifted apart due to our individual lives. Kind of sad eh?
I'll be in 4th sem in about 2 months time or so, and it really amazes me how time flew. Sometimes the passage of time can just go by like that, you blink and suddenly you're in your early twenties. Because of that, you wish you have someone by your side, recording every moment of it. Sure life is full of ups and downs, more downs for some, and more ups for some. Can't be help, this world isn't fair. Whoever told you the world will turn right side up because its round should go fly a kite, lol.
Opinions differ, that's why we have individuals. The world would be a sad sad place if everyone is the same. Imagine everyone thinking Barney is their best friend. *shudders* You get friends who say "girls are troublesome, don't bother", and friends who say "I enjoy being with my gf". Then of course you get the total opposite, singles who can't get any gf, and people who are having a hard time dealing with their gf.
Really, 18 years 10 months 3 days 23 hours of living, and I honestly still don't understand how girls think. Its like what a character in a story I once read, said "just when you think you are starting to understand them, they go and do something that changes your understanding of them completely. Its like one big fun game for them, like the boys must never understand them to keep things interesting." Then when things get screwed up they blame you for not understanding them, man I seriously don't comprehend.
Its really not surprising why some people can't decide whether they want to pursue a romantic relationship or not, because of the above reasons. Guess people look at some and wonder why they can be so happy and comfortable with what they have. If you ask me, maybe they aren't any better off, its just that they learn to cope with it better and accept things as it is. An admirable trait in a human being, bordering on extinction.
So where do I go? I guess you could categorize me as one of those who can't really decide whether they are happy being single or not. I keep thinking that my graduation is nearing, time just went by like that without anyone sharing it with me.
My parents only care about the results, me graduating and getting a job, and not the process. If you want me to be honest, they failed as parents in many respects. I want to believe they try their best, but sometimes its just so hard.
My brother doesn't talk to me much, he's just like me when I was younger, friends only no family. But I guess I'm not in position to comment on that.
My best friends have drifted so far from me, and one of them doesn't even know anything about me. Its sad really, for communication is two ways, and I'm just as guilty for not keeping in touch. I haven't made any new friends whom I can share my troubles with, and as a person I think that's sad, because when you are stressed and all you have no one to go to.
I guess this is the reason for my broodiness. Being left alone, humans grow to doubt their own worth. In the end, where will one find refuge when there is no one offering? Do my parents see my worth for what it is? Not demanding more than I can give? I feel rather uncertain about my future, when I was told to prepare my resume before I even graduate, I looked at myself and I asked what I can put in it. I came up with nothing.
I think I know how Peter Pan feels now. Growing up isn't fun, and it'll never be. But look on the bright side, at least you grow to see things more clearly. Experience teaches a lot after all, and exposure to the world for a long time is certainly the best teacher. What I hope is, life would really turn right side up for me some day. If it doesn't, I'm gonna tell the next person who gives me that bullshit to go fly a kite.
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