Changeover

Things are going to change drastically come the end of the month, the way things are going. It makes me think that my birthday month in coming 90 days probably isn't going to be all that enjoyable. Yeah, it may sound like people coming and leaving really shouldn't affect me but when so many are leaving at once, it's probably going to be really messy for quite some time; call it a hunch. Well, not bad thou for as i'm a keeper, i don't go random for serious relationship or friendship.

In hindsight, I  realize that things are always destined to become increasingly tougher and never easier because when we get the the way we want, we would want more, and more. Life and the world is built that way, and no, I'm not interested in religious opinions on this case, heard them all, hypocrites. 

Growing up is a pain

"Growing up is a pain!" is probably something you've heard many people exclaim before, one time too many. Admittedly I've gradually grown up these past few years exclaiming that line quite a few times myself. Heck, I still do sometimes, am still whiny about how tough life can be, and overall grew up to be...rather cynical at times.

People seem to take things at face value, something I've used to my advantage these few years. Put on a mask and a persona to fool the world, and they might just glance right over you; makes things easier. That is not to say that other people are not the same, in fact I'm more inclined to believe that almost everyone puts on a mask of their own. Some friends who are closer to me in recent years (my school friends haven't really mix with me much since..graduation from school) would call me two-faced; of course, they are referring to my behavior. I think I picked a persona that is too weak so much so that people get the impression that I'm easy to bully. On top, my partner who used to be with me for more than a year thinks that i am hating her, because that was what her negativity behavior wanted her to think, however i still put a hope in mind she would reply positively rather than a sleeveless essays that'd turned me speechless, perhaps, she should learn to observe from me, deriving what she felt apply back to me that how pain is to leave someone that you love so much, how pain is to miss someone who was the reason you went home every night and wake up with a smile. How sore the feeling seeing the one you love is having good life oversea while you are still struggling. When you are being positive, nothing would goes wrong. Someone just have to know that i don't hate people. However, that's definitely not the case and it's more like I don't want to retaliate. Some of my long time friends probably know of my explosive temper when I was younger till few months back and I haven't really had anything trigger any explosions lately, something I'd like to attribute to my growing control over my emotions. I'd like to think so really, but maybe it's not really that. I dunno.

I find so many defects with myself physically and mentally (shit I'm gaining weight where I don't want them to...), makes me wonder). "Time flies!" eventually becomes so cliche you don't even bother spouting that line anymore, and you get to tell younger people that you "ate more salt than you ever did rice!" Neglecting the fact that salt is pretty widely used in a number of dishes. "Come back again after you have eaten more celery than rice" is what I'll tell you if you say that line to my face.

I think I'm thinking too much. Wait scratch that...I KNOW I think too much and it's actually very much in my nature to think too much, but still not be able to predict and figure out everything. Wish I was born a genius or something, would have made life hella easier. Tough+uncertainties+growing pains=definitely very melancholic day for me.

The television

Merely, I am aimless, motiveless and emotionless, not to mention the soreness in the inner feeling at the sight of the broken TV. I just feel like staying in an incomplete house. I used to have a lot of guests and visitors in my house, and I’m proud to have them in, they are more than welcomed and I love my house when it's full of people. But people don’t come to visit and sit in your room, your living room or your kitchen. Statistic shows 99% of house’s visitors sit in the living room and a living room needs to have TV. I’m a homie fella who definitely loves a TV, TV represents a complete house. I remember the first day I shifted in here; I told myself that this house needs a TV, so I need a TV. Also, I remember I was constantly being reminded by my parents that I don’t watch TV often, yet I insisted, so yes bought, and now broken. So no TV = no Guest = Sad. So everything is clear now when lining everything up. That’s why I love blogging. I used to blog back to 2008, guess I will keep everything posted? I hope I do. Have a nice day.

Feel like blogging yet.

I have opened this writing page for 15 minutes, taking pleasure in the writing and erasing process and I still have no idea what to write. Ever since i came back from Langkawi, I have been staying at home until now, it’s hilarious because If I were the neighbor beside my house, I would be seeing a problematic guy walking in a house alone, indeed I have problems but as a rule, problems only stay within myself. Such tribulations are not collective, maybe yes, yet they ought not to be shared because it must remain unknown though. Seriously, if anyone asks me what my problem is, gravely I have no idea at all. It’s just a load of abundances to tell and I don’t know which to tell. It might be away from your circle of interests, so why tell in the first place, yes? So back to the story, I’m changed. Definitely a changed person, I came no interest to matter that used to be concerned by me, I said no to seafood – ridiculous?, I clean my house every day – holy?, I don’t cook and I dont eat fast food – OMG?, I sleep in the living room every night – creepy?, I ignore everyone I used to talk to – pathetic?.

A post that shouldn't be posted.

no matter how much you hate me, how you backstabbed, framed and badmouthed me, my statement stands. I will be always loving you. And if hating me can make you a better person, i don't mind being hated forever. But honestly speaking, i still do not know what i have cheated or lied on you as per you said. Anyway hope you stay positive and be happy. You have great life ahead. Thanks for the cares and supports throughout the years. I appreciate all of them. Thanks again.

"one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching"