Man,... it's pain

i have a super headache lately, don't know what happen inside my head. Pimple starts growing lots. Maybe i was thinking too much these days.

Early in the morning, i was screaming, Sydney pressed my pimple on my forehead.. gawd....

GAWD~~~

I went to Maybank to renew my saving account passbook today, more often than not my dad will resolve it for me, but since i'm in holiday, so i'll just manage it by my own.. In the bank, the line to the ticket counter was hostile, too loads of parent with their children were coming up for their turn - maybe they planned to collect a passbook for their childs. At the mean time, i opened my passbook, it was about 14-15 pages, jam-packed with numbers and what i did was sitting down, took out my cell phone, open calculator and calculate the total amount i had withdrew ever since 23 June 2007 until 20 November 2008.. It was RM26,688 i used in 1 year+ and at present left over RM200 in my wallet - I do not know does it too much or normal? or am i insane? As a student, it's too much I think, I’m terrified to notice my mom the sum lol, daren’t to foresee the outcome ~ geezz, I will start spending lesser money now!!

That was cash withdrew in 1 year+, haven't include the amount i swiped via my CIMB Mcard, i guess i have to stop calculating no more.

Really Tired

"I dunno why this happened. Maybe it's my weakness in due part, maybe it's just me expressing my human part, or maybe I might just be in one of my vulnerable times. Either way, I feel rotten, like a decaying plant being eaten alive by parasitic complexes, while I watched as you blossomed among the beautiful rays of sunlight in an everlasting spring. It was admittedly tough to bear, for like a man stranded in a desert for days, longing for water, I longed for you.

Perhaps words don't justify how I feel right now, perhaps I am seeing this situation in the wrong light, but I feel that just maybe, that it might ultimately be not worth it to continue with the way things are going. I loathe being defeatist, but to move on I do realise that we all have to cut our losses and make way for a better future ahead of us.

Good luck with life. And have fun."

I read this letter only a few weeks ago, on an unnamed forum, and boy did that feel strange. I sure hope that one day I wouldn't have to write such a letter, but then again, I do realise that the time will come when things don't work out, or don't work out better than they should. Still though, in my opinion we should do our best for what we believe in, and while I believe in what I fight for I will stay positive and dispel the negative elements. It will be more about what can be done, rather than 'who failed?'.

We will see. We will definitely see...

Transition imminent

Things are going to change drastically come the end of November, the way things are going. It makes me think that my birthday month probably isn't going to be all that enjoyable. Yeah, it may sound like people leaving and joining the company really shouldn't affect me but when so many are leaving at once, it's probably going to be really messy for quite some time; call it a hunch.

In hindsight, I probably should have realize that things are always destined to become increasingly tougher and never easier. Life and the world is built that way, and no, I'm not interested in religious opinions on this case; heard them all, hypocrites.

I want change in my life too I guess, some things require action and if I don't do anything I might just lose out. What things? That's a secret for now. Anyway I really just want to ramble here for the fun of it since I don't have the mood to write anymore. I should probably force myself to though, at least I'll be done with the product reviews. Back to work I guess.

Steamyx!

Our "beloved" #1 POS ISP brings to us Steamyx! Steamyx!! The broadband connection that is bound to make you release steam like an olden day steam train! Huh? Streamyx? What can they stream? They can't stream anything if their lives depended on it!

Shitty customer service, idiotic call operators whose every answer to your problem is "reset modem/bypass splitter/check your DNS address/check your computer/*insert stupid solution here*" I'm a freaking computer literate student! I don't need your PMR educated moronic operators giving me solutions I would have tried the moment my connection goes FUBARED! ARGH!

Damn obvious they oversold their bandwidth already, but they still continue to mass promote their Steamyx! So when they got bandwidth problem what do they do? They dem clever wei! Blame teh downloaders! "20% of user consume 80% of our bandwidth" Give me cold hard evidence! Where did you get that statistic? Simply bullshit means can con your way out? Your stupid advertising says unlimited downloads! I'll download whatever I want whenever I want because thats what unlimited download means!

Throttle this throttle that, block this block that, save little itty-bitty bits of bandwidth and then continue to oversell it. Upgrade your bandwidth a littleeeeeeeeeeeee bit, and then oversell that bandwidth again! All they care about is making money without providing proper service! I'll tell you the cold hard truth, if it isn't the damn donkeys above favouring companies of the donkeys below, they would have bite the dust ages ago before anyone from Sabah even heard of Steamyx!

You know the saying that goes, "you pay peanuts you get monkeys"? Well I'll tell you we are paying abalones and getting donkeys! You want an honest opinion, I'll tell you one. This is the information age, and if they continues with that fiasco they call a broadband service, this country will not go anywhere. Stay and rot in the jungle if you want, I'm out of this country the moment I can afford to migrate.

That is my current goal for life, get out of this cow dung they call a "developing country".

Birthday wish list

The days fly by, the months roll past, and the year comes full circle. So much has happened and so much has changed, and yet at the same time some things never change. Its only natural I suppose. Anyway as the years roll by it truly shows you how things never get easier but in fact all the more harder. Every year its not just the same challenges all over but new hurdles to overcome which is also, as I've come to learn, very normal. So what’s not normal? Well so far, nothing.

Its a bit too early to do the I'm-1-year-older-so-its-time-to-reflect-on-the-year thingy. So as the title says, I'm going to post my wish list! Bear in mind its a wish list so naturally it might be a bit unreasonable and pricey (aren't they always?). So with that aside let’s move on.

1. Money!! Cash!! Moolah!! This has to be the number one wish for every one because having money rather than an actual gift offers so much more flexibility. (think upgrading laptop)

2. A Single BED!! I'm not really enjoy sleeping on a no-foot-mattress

3. A small notebook, just for online purpose.. around rm3-4k.

4. Nokia E95, that has been my dream phone for a long time ago. My E65 age's clock is ticking to an end lol..

5. Jay Chou latest album!! I'm actually lazy to buy it lol.

6. Since I ran out of ideas (truly I don't ask for much, but what I ask for are really pricey...hehe) a surprise! Erm...be it a simple dinner with friends, a gathering to watch a movie, a little get together to yak like nobody's business like how we used to...*sigh* don't you just miss those days?

7. Hmm... thinking hard now. Birthday wishes from every of my hometown friends! haha, we have a deal among our ppl.

8. Successful completion of my diploma with no failures and at least maintain GPA of 2.5 to 3. I know I've done quite bad in certain subjects, but I did do reasonably well in some others. Fingers crossed I'll pass every subject; this is truly 1 of my greatest wishes.

9. Hmm...get a part time job related to my field during the 1 months holiday next year? Maybe I should apply for an internship. I wonder if there are 1 month internships... I'll be away from my computer for very long and I think I'll miss everything. Just realized I've never been away for long on my own.

10. A pet!! Puppy maybe? but am lazy to bathe it lol..

Well it wasn't mean to be "my 10 greatest birthday wish list" but last but not least I wish I can find my true calling in life. Its been bugging me for years and every now and then the doubts about what I've been doing or if the path I have chose is the right one and I truly wish I can find that one thing that can motivate me and drive me to strive to work towards it. A goal that is ever elusive, ever out of reach. Will it come anytime soon? I really don't think I can wait any longer....

Well there you have it, that’s all for today. It’s been a tiring day, final exam weeks i'm facing now, so I'll just go browse some forums, do some revisions and then get some sleep.

P.S. I'm not exactly telling people who read this to comply with the wish list, as I've said its rather unreasonable. But if you are generous, I will be eternally grateful. :D
P.P.S The wish list is not in order of preference. I post my blog entries on the spot, so its something I gradually thought of.

Signing out, oyasumi.