First thing you will note that I do not have a title for this post. But seriously, who reads the titles anyway? I really should stop racking my brains trying to think of titles for my blog posts when I really don't have a central theme of discussion for a particular post.
There was once someone asked me “Hey, Brandon, what’s your most unforgettable event?”. By that of what I considered as spontaneous question, I really couldn’t sort out any of any events I’ve encountered in my life which was really unforgettable
– yet I have an answer now.
24 September 2008, 10AM at Jalan Cheras Kajang – I was driving at roughly 110km/hour. Tweeting at the mall, what mall was that, it was Leisure Mall just on my right hand side. I was rolling along the path was like racing with other cars, compete for victory - and by all sudden, from tempo over speed, my car is out of brake…
It was all in the sudden, fortunate or unfortunate(ly), in the midst of all transports which were in same speed has granted me 1 minutes to decelerate my car before had to stop at the Maluri roundabout (As if could reached the roundabout, maybe had crashed before that) =(
20-30 seconds were used to keep pressing the brake paddle, thoughts, “why the brake isn’t working”, “what the hell is your problem” –
There are faces appeared in my mind, and they are now known as the most unforgettable person in my life.
Dad and Mom – waiting me for reunion dinner on Thursday
Kay and Irene – I promised I will get you both ayam pecik tonight
Irise – I want to go Moscow for your graduation
Richard – I have 400 Legionnaires in Travian
Shu yun – I owe you for my ages
Frances – I wanted to see you, BABI
Jenny Hui Ling - 5764km away
Kelsey and Wen Yi – I was seriously thinking the plan to visit you both at Genting Highland before the brake-off
Loo Ping – You promised will train Badminton with me for the Cheras Championship
Sin Yin – Ohmy, I’m sorry
----
…Out of the blue, the brake was back on service and the car seriously stopped at the middle of the road. The sudden stop hurts both of my hands and at that time, I scolded “WTF”, “What is wrong with you damnit”
Cars after me were horning me, I was forced to continue the drive. And all the while to Maluri, the brake was working fine - although it was, I still need to circumspect in case... So, I sent it to an unknown car workshop in Maluri. They said that my car’s master pump’s oil leaked, have to send it to Perodua Service Centre. No reason to obey it so i sent it to the service centre at Desa Tun Razak. Oh damn… my car has to be hospitalized for one night, and damn, I took a cab back to college for the an-hour-late class.
Sighing for my own, sighing to my fella classmates “OH MY CAR…” I was then took a bus back to Sungai Long – the bus stopped just in front of Green Acre Park, walking thru the garden, park and swimming pool, searching something on a out of billion bricks, sighing, it has gone.. Slowly dissembled from my memory, memoirs to become all it is capable of becoming, by all myth and legend, it’s just a past tense..
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Unity
(Supposed to be posted on 31/8 but I was getting high)
This is for Malaysia.
When you really think about it, Malaysia is generally quite well united. I mean as much as we want to bitch about it, our races go well together and we blend in pretty nicely as one society. There are a few exceptions but hey, it's human nature to bitchslap one another once in a while right? I'm really not being sarcastic. I've really come to like Malaysia for the general unity that is established between citizens and civilians.
I think I've come to realize what the link is.
Malaysia - United by Complaints
It's true. A reliable source told me 99.16% of Malaysians complain about something at least once a day. These facts are based on the concoction in my head based on absolutely nothing. But really, think about it.
Whether it's meeting someone at a bus stop, at a public class (perhaps driving), in a cab, or just someone you happened to strike up a conversation with; what is the single most interesting and easy-to-dive-into point? Here they are:
THE WEATHER IS FRIGGIN' HOT!
DRIVING CLASSES ARE ABSOLUTELY USELESS!
TRAFFIC JAMS ARE REALLY SHITTY!
MALAYSIAN DRIVERS PISS ME OFF!
MALAYSIAN ROADS ARE TERRIBLE!
THE EDUCATION SYSTEM TEACHES US NOTHING!
and if you're really daring, you get into racism. But I won't explore into the details.
Take a step back and reflect on how many times you hit it off with a simple conversation with a complete stranger, by complaining. See the reason I'm not afraid of posting all this even in the light of the case of that kid making fun of our country, is that I'm not actually criticizing it here. I actually think it's wonderful that unity (albeit it being a little fake) can be achieved so easily.
I know, most of you may not be patriotic and all that but for God's sakes, all I ask is that the Malaysian readers of my blog just look back and learn to appreciate the smaller things. Look at all the idiotic bloggers who go to other countries, take a billion wonderful pictures and still tell you they miss Malaysia. Isn't that already a point in itself?
Cheers. Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia. You've provided us a pretty great home =)
This is for Malaysia.
When you really think about it, Malaysia is generally quite well united. I mean as much as we want to bitch about it, our races go well together and we blend in pretty nicely as one society. There are a few exceptions but hey, it's human nature to bitchslap one another once in a while right? I'm really not being sarcastic. I've really come to like Malaysia for the general unity that is established between citizens and civilians.
I think I've come to realize what the link is.
Malaysia - United by Complaints
It's true. A reliable source told me 99.16% of Malaysians complain about something at least once a day. These facts are based on the concoction in my head based on absolutely nothing. But really, think about it.
Whether it's meeting someone at a bus stop, at a public class (perhaps driving), in a cab, or just someone you happened to strike up a conversation with; what is the single most interesting and easy-to-dive-into point? Here they are:
THE WEATHER IS FRIGGIN' HOT!
DRIVING CLASSES ARE ABSOLUTELY USELESS!
TRAFFIC JAMS ARE REALLY SHITTY!
MALAYSIAN DRIVERS PISS ME OFF!
MALAYSIAN ROADS ARE TERRIBLE!
THE EDUCATION SYSTEM TEACHES US NOTHING!
and if you're really daring, you get into racism. But I won't explore into the details.
Take a step back and reflect on how many times you hit it off with a simple conversation with a complete stranger, by complaining. See the reason I'm not afraid of posting all this even in the light of the case of that kid making fun of our country, is that I'm not actually criticizing it here. I actually think it's wonderful that unity (albeit it being a little fake) can be achieved so easily.
I know, most of you may not be patriotic and all that but for God's sakes, all I ask is that the Malaysian readers of my blog just look back and learn to appreciate the smaller things. Look at all the idiotic bloggers who go to other countries, take a billion wonderful pictures and still tell you they miss Malaysia. Isn't that already a point in itself?
Cheers. Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia. You've provided us a pretty great home =)
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Senseless
Every once in a while you wake up to a beautiful morning and have this weird clarity on how you perceive your life.
You wake up to a morning at 6 a.m. to pee.
You're not at home.
You can't go back to sleep.
You watch Spiderman 3 for the 5th time or so even though you hate the movie.
You watch Saturday morning cartoons.
You watch Ashlee Simpson and Madonna music videos when you would normally puke at the sight of either of them.
After burning a few hours, you go home.
Just as you're heading home, you call your friend on the phone to tell him his girlfriend looks hot with short hair.
You hang up.
In the midst of all these random events you start to realize how your life has seemed to stop making sense.
You remember a time when you were young and asked a lot of questions.
You realize how nothing much in your life makes sense anymore, just as before, only you've stopped questioning it.
You remember the night before.
Spending RM35 on crap food at a far-away place where you practically only talked to people you came with.
Drinking with the RM15 remaining in your wallet (RM5 of which you found on the floor and another RM5 made from selling something).
Staying over at your friend's place and actually sleeping, and then leaving first thing in the morning. Which meant staying over was pretty much a waste of time.
You remember more and more things in the past that don't seem to make much sense.
But it's great. And at 9 a.m. on a road with relatively non-existent traffic, you get the time to think about how cool life is when you live it like that. Where everything you do calls for a question, but you just don't ask.
=)
You wake up to a morning at 6 a.m. to pee.
You're not at home.
You can't go back to sleep.
You watch Spiderman 3 for the 5th time or so even though you hate the movie.
You watch Saturday morning cartoons.
You watch Ashlee Simpson and Madonna music videos when you would normally puke at the sight of either of them.
After burning a few hours, you go home.
Just as you're heading home, you call your friend on the phone to tell him his girlfriend looks hot with short hair.
You hang up.
In the midst of all these random events you start to realize how your life has seemed to stop making sense.
You remember a time when you were young and asked a lot of questions.
You realize how nothing much in your life makes sense anymore, just as before, only you've stopped questioning it.
You remember the night before.
Spending RM35 on crap food at a far-away place where you practically only talked to people you came with.
Drinking with the RM15 remaining in your wallet (RM5 of which you found on the floor and another RM5 made from selling something).
Staying over at your friend's place and actually sleeping, and then leaving first thing in the morning. Which meant staying over was pretty much a waste of time.
You remember more and more things in the past that don't seem to make much sense.
But it's great. And at 9 a.m. on a road with relatively non-existent traffic, you get the time to think about how cool life is when you live it like that. Where everything you do calls for a question, but you just don't ask.
=)
Sunday, 14 September 2008
13 September, Happy Birthday Pei Wen
To Tracy Lee Pei wen, the al-mighty.
I’m full of regrets
for belated wish,
ever I told you before,
that you are a meaningful person to me?
Ever you speculate,
when you are reading this,
why you are a significant,
aka special friend to me?
You are a hot chilly,
to piss me off, is your potential,
Your tallness is the question,
to be constantly comparing with me,
even you knew you will falls,
into pit of disappointment,
yet you will still comparing.
You are a "fut lou" girl,
in which for eternity,
I have forgotten how much I owe you,
of course in Ringgit Malaysia.
You are the only one,
who dares to step on my beret,
Purposely or not,
you were already stepped on it,
rape my pride, be your proud.
Chilly, you always eat,
to make your tongue special,
That's so, you have a special tongue,
for everlasting squabble.
Dare you to pick up my "tongkat",
for asses you wanna to poke at,
you are the only one,
always been penalized.
You are a great warrior,
thanks to your height,
granted you a special rank,
how you are special enough,
stand in front on battlefield.
You and Stephenie,
my greatest,
stomp my head with no reason,
regardless of any uniform we were on.
You have no reason,
to argue,
You have no reason,
to mad,
That makes you special.
In midst of standalone,
you were once a good prefect,
for never fit my name into your prefect’s report book.
You were also once a bad prefect,
for sue-ing my grass on my head.
For obvious reasons,
you are in my list of vengeance,
No matter what,
I will never forgot you.
Happy Birthday yoo..
I’m full of regrets
for belated wish,
ever I told you before,
that you are a meaningful person to me?
Ever you speculate,
when you are reading this,
why you are a significant,
aka special friend to me?
You are a hot chilly,
to piss me off, is your potential,
Your tallness is the question,
to be constantly comparing with me,
even you knew you will falls,
into pit of disappointment,
yet you will still comparing.
You are a "fut lou" girl,
in which for eternity,
I have forgotten how much I owe you,
of course in Ringgit Malaysia.
You are the only one,
who dares to step on my beret,
Purposely or not,
you were already stepped on it,
rape my pride, be your proud.
Chilly, you always eat,
to make your tongue special,
That's so, you have a special tongue,
for everlasting squabble.
Dare you to pick up my "tongkat",
for asses you wanna to poke at,
you are the only one,
always been penalized.
You are a great warrior,
thanks to your height,
granted you a special rank,
how you are special enough,
stand in front on battlefield.
You and Stephenie,
my greatest,
stomp my head with no reason,
regardless of any uniform we were on.
You have no reason,
to argue,
You have no reason,
to mad,
That makes you special.
In midst of standalone,
you were once a good prefect,
for never fit my name into your prefect’s report book.
You were also once a bad prefect,
for sue-ing my grass on my head.
For obvious reasons,
you are in my list of vengeance,
No matter what,
I will never forgot you.
Happy Birthday yoo..
Friday, 12 September 2008
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
I'm curious of: the mentality of the masses
You know how nowadays, no matter where you turn to, stupidity abounds? In the Internet, this obviously holds true. Message boards, emails, forums, discussion boards, etc; click on 1 link and you get bombarded by the most vulgar words you can ever find, words children so easily pick up nowadays thanks to the Internet. Sometimes I get really tired, at times extremely annoyed, often I get very irritated and angry so much so I might be tempted to or actually retaliate. Guess what? From there, the war of words never ends. It’s what we Internet savvy people call a “flame war”.
Trolls are everywhere, lurking around the Internet looking for things and people they can insult. This is worse in Malaysian based websites, message boards, or forums, etc. It stems from the rampant and inherent nature of “ah-bengness” within many Malaysians. I don’t even want to begin to comprehend why so many people prefer to use violent and uncivilized ways to express their points and opinions as I’m no saint my self, in which case if I do I’d probably fry my brain due to the stress.
You see people complaining, whining, insulting, and everyday, almost everywhere on the net. There are those who have better command of language who tend to flaunt their so-called superiority, purposely writing in a way where the common Malaysian ah-beng will not be able to understand, and then stand back and laugh and insult at their inability to “understand simple English” which are actually extravagant and redundant usage of words that very few can understand.
But fact is, there are simpler ways to communicate and communication between human beings has always been based on making things short and simple. However for them it is entertainment to act high and mighty. In my opinion they are nothing but uncivilized barbarians. The higher you think you are, the lower you will be the day you are brought down, that’s what I think.
Ever seen one of these go “you are so stupid it kills my brain cells”? These people are just despicable. Telling others to “go back to kindergarten and relearn your abc” is just insulting. Fact is, they should go back to kindergarten too, to relearn their moral from scratch that is. All this from people who are supposedly “educated”, *snorts* yea right. I’ve said I’m no saint so don’t go around and say I’m no better, I’m in a better position than anyone else to say that.
Admittedly sometimes I say things that are very “sharp”, but I never deliberately set out to say things that out right insult that person if I can help it. There are situations where sometimes there are things that need to be said so that no one will be disillusioned by the reality of it, nor fail to see the mistakes and the idiocy behind their actions. These are things that I will never be afraid to say, regardless of the fact that it might make someone angry. Why should they be angry anyway? I speak but the truth, so if they are angry it simply means that they are angry of the truth. Are they angry of the truth because they cannot accept it as the truth? I suppose so, after all us humans want to hear are only things that are as they say, music to our ears.
Think about it aye?
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Seriously, how is it to be in love
Ha! I can already hear the sighs and the eyes rolling up, something I'd do myself. But seriously, even till this day, over 19 years of existence, and I have still yet to be able to confidently say that I know what love is or rather how it would feel.
Some people call the question useless, "it just is". Some say its the million dollar question, the quest for the elusively definite answer. Others say its the greatest feeling anyone can ever have but yet can't tell you what that feeling is. The answer varies from one person to another, as is the "feeling" each individual feels.
Fact is, arguing about what love is, is probably as stupid as trying to imitate Superman by jumping off the twin towers and thinking you can fly as long as you have the gear on, blue spandex complete with red underwear worn on the outside.
The years post graduation from secondary school have been nothing short of an eye opener. 1 month, 2 months, 4 months, and then a year later, you just realize how little you know of the outside world. The way I see it our country's education ministry really fail to teach the important things we need outside, love tops this list of things, despite the moral education we are given.
Compassion, being considerate, and etc. How do they show what is love in its entirety? It can't, compassion is but a facet of its entirety. Lets put it this way, love is as multi-faceted as a diamond, glorious sparkles reflecting light from different angles. That's just trying to put the concept into an analogy, I by no means claim to understand what it is.
Back when I first "discovered" the Internet. E-mail was the in thing, now I hardly use it anymore. Anyway, it was the trend then to forward tonnes of e-mails back, most of them meaningless. Some of them pretty insightful and some pretty cool to read, I love the random quotes I read all over, a constant reminder of my love for reading (something I haven't been able to do much till lately).
Digressing, there was this e-mail, that talked of how as we grow up, we view love differently and also of how we gradually change our opinion on who is lovable or not. I'll talk it from my point of view just for the sake of an example, and to rein in my thoughts a bit. I'll go as far back as I can remember which would be...the age of 6? To tell the truth I find memories to be a funny thing, you don't seem to remember much of it most of the time, just events and most of the time I find myself remembering the not too pleasant ones. Anyway this is not about memories.
When I was 6, all I was ever concerned of really, was toys. Yea toys, that I remember clearly. I'd probably have a new one every week, and dump it aside the next week. Of course eventually this got on my parents' nerves, and they stop buying them almost immediately at one point. As it goes nobody likes having their toys taken from them, something that applies to various things. As a kid I was pretty good at crying and whining, which also got on their nerves. Thinking back I'm really glad my parents didn't spoil me like my relatives did with my younger cousins. You know how annoyed I get with a 11 year old at home who still cries regularly?! Sometimes I wonder if I have managed to rein in my horrible temper a bit, and I'm tempted to say I have. Few years ago I'd just whack the kid and tell him to shut up, even though he ain't my brother. Now I just keep quiet and pretend its not my business.
So back then it was toys, the next few years nothing really interest me much, till I was 10 and I got my first gaming console. Sometimes I wonder if my grades would have stayed top notch like it was if I never started gaming or my intelligence that allowed me to afford to not study was only up to that level of education. I'd like to think the former is true, coupled with a bad whack on the head during that same year. You know how they say bumping your head makes you stupid? To be honest I never believed that, but for the sake of satisfying my ego I try to. Anyway gaming was my love then, I also loved reading, had been all my life. Just that it was an on and off thing, and I started with small encyclopedias and fairy tales (typical).
Around the same time, I already had my first computer. An ancient pentium 1, given by Irise's boyfriend, fat Davis Tan. One thing I've always love is good strategy or RPG games, likewise my brother. It was our staple topic of conversation, our means of brothers bonding, something I lost along the way. What I'd give to get that connection back....The following years were pretty much the same. My core hobbies never change, with the exception of football which I started playing when I was 8+.
When did I start noticing girls? This is one thing that was really sudden. Thinking about it, at one point, to 手拉手 and walk into class with the girl paired up with you during assembly (a silly custom we had in school back in std 1) was suddenly no longer an option. But then that wasn't really the trigger, it just gradually became something that is obvious, girls are different, and they certainly don't want to hold a boy's hand without proper reason. (I blame the media)
Moving on, I clearly remember the first day I started Form 1. (a day filled with embarrassing moments) I don't know what time of day it was, but it must have been before classes started. I was heading out to the toilet and caught sight of an angel, Kelsey =p! (so my 13 years old mind told me) I was stunned, literally, and the girl noticed. Needless to say things went downhill from there, I was never in the same class as her after that year, and all I was contented to do is stalk her from far. (13 years old and already a stalker! *gasp* So sue me >_>) So what was that? I never thought about it after I graduated, perhaps that was merely 'noticing' that girls were different, in many sense, after all opposites attract. (very true in the sense of guys to girls and vice versa, though that isn't entirely true anymore *sigh*)
Life was pretty plain the next few years, love wasn't a topic I seek to talk about or understand. I think I was form 3 when I started 'noticing' again that girls are really different. In many ways, biology did nothing to help, if anything it made my curiosity worse, and as we know curiosity killed the cat, which happens to be my innocence in this point of reference. Feelings came feelings go, but nothing much really happened. I never took action on them, and the one time I did, was the time I felt betrayed the most, though I was wrong for losing my temper during my "probation period". Someone wise once said, "jealousy can make you do things you'll never believe you would do". Of course it was nothing more than a bad temper tantrum but then again, it alone made girls stay away from me. Thinking about it, that probably was for the best, it was obvious I wasn't ready to be in a relationship then. It was all about Krislyn.
The years that followed were years of contemplation, I brooded a lot, and it certainly didn't help my reputation of being touchy and all. I'd go into spells where I just shut people out and just let my mind wander. Hormones suck don't you think? Such is puberty and teenage, I'd probably list it as the toughest phase of my life, but then if there's one thing I learned its that life never gets any easier, well not till you die I suppose. Obviously years of brooding, interaction, and various experiences, showed me that everything up to that had been crushes and infatuations. This leads back to my original question, what is the real thing?
Just hours ago, we were all urging a friend to push for someone he liked. Sure it probably wasn't the time to move in or anything, like he said, but I'm a firm believer that if you don't do something, nothing will happen. Don't push it back to me, I don't have anyone in mind now. Besides, I don't think I'm boyfriend material, after all these years. I don't think I'd be able to spend much time on a girlfriend if I had one. Does that mean I'll be a bachelor for life? Maybe, maybe not. Right now, that prospect ain't looking too bad. Only time will tell, but I'm not holding my breath.
So seriously, what is love all about? Pei Ying here? How can someone accurately describe the feeling? I'd go with it being the million dollar question. One day some genius is going to write a book so inspirational, that speaks a million things about love and whatnot. That book will sell like hotcakes, just because so many people are starved of love. In the end, it'll probably just be another farce. Lets be honest, there wouldn't be love starved people on this planet if love was so easily defined.
Look at it this way, it gives you an avenue to earn millions. If you're an inspirational writer that is. For now, I'll stay with romantic-comedy anime, constantly thinking how it would feel to finally be in love, and look to the future (I guess).
Some people call the question useless, "it just is". Some say its the million dollar question, the quest for the elusively definite answer. Others say its the greatest feeling anyone can ever have but yet can't tell you what that feeling is. The answer varies from one person to another, as is the "feeling" each individual feels.
Fact is, arguing about what love is, is probably as stupid as trying to imitate Superman by jumping off the twin towers and thinking you can fly as long as you have the gear on, blue spandex complete with red underwear worn on the outside.
The years post graduation from secondary school have been nothing short of an eye opener. 1 month, 2 months, 4 months, and then a year later, you just realize how little you know of the outside world. The way I see it our country's education ministry really fail to teach the important things we need outside, love tops this list of things, despite the moral education we are given.
Compassion, being considerate, and etc. How do they show what is love in its entirety? It can't, compassion is but a facet of its entirety. Lets put it this way, love is as multi-faceted as a diamond, glorious sparkles reflecting light from different angles. That's just trying to put the concept into an analogy, I by no means claim to understand what it is.
Back when I first "discovered" the Internet. E-mail was the in thing, now I hardly use it anymore. Anyway, it was the trend then to forward tonnes of e-mails back, most of them meaningless. Some of them pretty insightful and some pretty cool to read, I love the random quotes I read all over, a constant reminder of my love for reading (something I haven't been able to do much till lately).
Digressing, there was this e-mail, that talked of how as we grow up, we view love differently and also of how we gradually change our opinion on who is lovable or not. I'll talk it from my point of view just for the sake of an example, and to rein in my thoughts a bit. I'll go as far back as I can remember which would be...the age of 6? To tell the truth I find memories to be a funny thing, you don't seem to remember much of it most of the time, just events and most of the time I find myself remembering the not too pleasant ones. Anyway this is not about memories.
When I was 6, all I was ever concerned of really, was toys. Yea toys, that I remember clearly. I'd probably have a new one every week, and dump it aside the next week. Of course eventually this got on my parents' nerves, and they stop buying them almost immediately at one point. As it goes nobody likes having their toys taken from them, something that applies to various things. As a kid I was pretty good at crying and whining, which also got on their nerves. Thinking back I'm really glad my parents didn't spoil me like my relatives did with my younger cousins. You know how annoyed I get with a 11 year old at home who still cries regularly?! Sometimes I wonder if I have managed to rein in my horrible temper a bit, and I'm tempted to say I have. Few years ago I'd just whack the kid and tell him to shut up, even though he ain't my brother. Now I just keep quiet and pretend its not my business.
So back then it was toys, the next few years nothing really interest me much, till I was 10 and I got my first gaming console. Sometimes I wonder if my grades would have stayed top notch like it was if I never started gaming or my intelligence that allowed me to afford to not study was only up to that level of education. I'd like to think the former is true, coupled with a bad whack on the head during that same year. You know how they say bumping your head makes you stupid? To be honest I never believed that, but for the sake of satisfying my ego I try to. Anyway gaming was my love then, I also loved reading, had been all my life. Just that it was an on and off thing, and I started with small encyclopedias and fairy tales (typical).
Around the same time, I already had my first computer. An ancient pentium 1, given by Irise's boyfriend, fat Davis Tan. One thing I've always love is good strategy or RPG games, likewise my brother. It was our staple topic of conversation, our means of brothers bonding, something I lost along the way. What I'd give to get that connection back....The following years were pretty much the same. My core hobbies never change, with the exception of football which I started playing when I was 8+.
When did I start noticing girls? This is one thing that was really sudden. Thinking about it, at one point, to 手拉手 and walk into class with the girl paired up with you during assembly (a silly custom we had in school back in std 1) was suddenly no longer an option. But then that wasn't really the trigger, it just gradually became something that is obvious, girls are different, and they certainly don't want to hold a boy's hand without proper reason. (I blame the media)
Moving on, I clearly remember the first day I started Form 1. (a day filled with embarrassing moments) I don't know what time of day it was, but it must have been before classes started. I was heading out to the toilet and caught sight of an angel, Kelsey =p! (so my 13 years old mind told me) I was stunned, literally, and the girl noticed. Needless to say things went downhill from there, I was never in the same class as her after that year, and all I was contented to do is stalk her from far. (13 years old and already a stalker! *gasp* So sue me >_>) So what was that? I never thought about it after I graduated, perhaps that was merely 'noticing' that girls were different, in many sense, after all opposites attract. (very true in the sense of guys to girls and vice versa, though that isn't entirely true anymore *sigh*)
Life was pretty plain the next few years, love wasn't a topic I seek to talk about or understand. I think I was form 3 when I started 'noticing' again that girls are really different. In many ways, biology did nothing to help, if anything it made my curiosity worse, and as we know curiosity killed the cat, which happens to be my innocence in this point of reference. Feelings came feelings go, but nothing much really happened. I never took action on them, and the one time I did, was the time I felt betrayed the most, though I was wrong for losing my temper during my "probation period". Someone wise once said, "jealousy can make you do things you'll never believe you would do". Of course it was nothing more than a bad temper tantrum but then again, it alone made girls stay away from me. Thinking about it, that probably was for the best, it was obvious I wasn't ready to be in a relationship then. It was all about Krislyn.
The years that followed were years of contemplation, I brooded a lot, and it certainly didn't help my reputation of being touchy and all. I'd go into spells where I just shut people out and just let my mind wander. Hormones suck don't you think? Such is puberty and teenage, I'd probably list it as the toughest phase of my life, but then if there's one thing I learned its that life never gets any easier, well not till you die I suppose. Obviously years of brooding, interaction, and various experiences, showed me that everything up to that had been crushes and infatuations. This leads back to my original question, what is the real thing?
Just hours ago, we were all urging a friend to push for someone he liked. Sure it probably wasn't the time to move in or anything, like he said, but I'm a firm believer that if you don't do something, nothing will happen. Don't push it back to me, I don't have anyone in mind now. Besides, I don't think I'm boyfriend material, after all these years. I don't think I'd be able to spend much time on a girlfriend if I had one. Does that mean I'll be a bachelor for life? Maybe, maybe not. Right now, that prospect ain't looking too bad. Only time will tell, but I'm not holding my breath.
So seriously, what is love all about? Pei Ying here? How can someone accurately describe the feeling? I'd go with it being the million dollar question. One day some genius is going to write a book so inspirational, that speaks a million things about love and whatnot. That book will sell like hotcakes, just because so many people are starved of love. In the end, it'll probably just be another farce. Lets be honest, there wouldn't be love starved people on this planet if love was so easily defined.
Look at it this way, it gives you an avenue to earn millions. If you're an inspirational writer that is. For now, I'll stay with romantic-comedy anime, constantly thinking how it would feel to finally be in love, and look to the future (I guess).
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