Uarghhgarhguhghuharhhgh

I've always been a peaceful dreamer. A happy one, even. A week ago I could tell you about all the good dreams I've ever had, fantastic ones even. But I wouldn't be able to tell you one particularly bad one, and I'd say nothing close to even half a nightmare.

This week I had the same recurring nightmare thrice. All of which were continuous and more vivid each time they progressed.

It just scares me because when you really think about it there are times where (mostly in movies, actually) that you get visions, each of them getting more clear and detailed as they progressed, they actually happen at the end of the day.

I'm not afraid of some bullcrap nightmare where a ghost haunts me or my soul is taken away. This was real, and would be impossible to tell whether it was a dream or whether it was really happening. I don't know if I should treat it as a sign or just a coincidence that I've been thinking about it too much.

.
..
...
Come to think about it I'm probably just bummed out that the truth is this nightmare is inevitable and will happen to me sooner or later. Sigh.

i dreamt...

that I had final exams the next day. I woke up and my heartbeat was racing. Only to the realization of the fact that my final exams were today.

First time I woke up from a bad dream to be in an even worse position. Eep.

Cheers, g'luck for the exam season, all =)

Brand New Template

Hell yeah, exam ending, and mood turning to blue, digesting stresses, enjoy holiday. HOORAYYY.


I'm in Blue now.. ^^V

Boom!

Today was just weird.

My writing gradually became shittier with every line. The directions of my handwriting strokes even started changing because I would lift my pen too fast then some letters don't appear as they should. It was horrible.

I'm a lot more used to have shitty writing throughout the paper.

I actually ran out of time and didn't manage to write what I planned to.

I'm a lot more used to writing everything I intend to write, think for 5 minutes about what I'm missing out, then accept the fact that I'm stupid and sit back to look around at people doing their work OR leave the exam hall early. I have never run out of time before. EVER.

I managed to at least finish everything I wanted to say but took an extremely horizontal approach. I wrote a little on everything relevant but didn't go into depth.

I'm a lot more used to being perfect on spelling and grammar but thoroughly lacking substance OR writing way too much in depth on a certain topic I'm more familiar with.

At the drop of my pen I knew I didn't do as well as I could have during the paper itself (should have rushed myself from the beginning) but there was still this satisfaction in me. Writing a lot with a horizontal approach and running out of time is a lot better than having too much time for not being able to write anything.

It's always "ahh, finally" that I get when the clock marks the end and I always know the problem lied in the preparation and not my attitude during the actual paper.

And here I am back again at where I was after finishing the accessed paper of accounting . Relief. Hoping my efforts pay off. Expecting decent marks (not as good as the marks on the assessed paper of course :P). And a very bad after-effect of all this - wanting to throw all my books away and sleep forever. But that's not happening, is it? =(

~The 3nD~

Change

I switched my blog template to something lighter (and definitely whiter than usual which was black yahh) for a change of mood. Well, of course I'm not that bad-tempered these days. I just happened to be thinking on a lot of things lately, and white is a great color to calm the mind.

And one would also notice the great gap in between at which I update my blog, something I must apologize for being unable to do. Time has not been an understanding entity, and its many facets on life's course prevented me from updating regularly. Nevertheless, things have calmed down, somewhat, and I can start writing again.

Arguments and Debates

Thank you for helping me notice.

I know what it is now. Why do I keep arguing no matter how groundless some comments are? Why is it I can think "Wow this guy is an idiot for saying this," but still, talk and try to convince that person why I feel he/she is wrong? Most importantly, as a personal question, why do I get riled up by the stupidest comments?!

Because, I've come to notice, I believe it's a chess game.

-

1. The right to dismiss - Just because a person made the most ridiculous move on the chessboard does not give me the right to say "hah you're an idiot, I don't want to waste time playing with you". This is the equivalent of "this is a pointless discussion because you're an idiot, I'm not talking about this anymore" in an argument.

2. The game is between the two people playing - If 99.99% of the world agree that there is a particular piece you should be moving but you think otherwise, it's probably better for your game if you followed what you believe, the equivalent of how what others think do not directly affect the people in the argument.

3. Don't bring your personal feelings / emotion in the game - Your emotions have nothing to do with how well your pieces are played. Neither does it have anything to do with how well you argue or debate an issue. Be especially sure to take note of this in an argument between friends.

4. Stay focused to the purpose - You have certain small goals throughout a chess game, for instance exposing your opponent's King, or forcing trades when you have an advantage over them in terms of quantity; but your ultimate purpose to win is always there. Just as you will have different purposes of arguing or debating, stay focused and never sidetrack. The ultimate purpose of arguing or debating is also always there, but it may not always be to win. Whatever it is, just relate each statement you make throughout the course of your argument/debate to this question: "Would making this statement help me achieve that purpose?"

5. The endgame - Incoming cliche - The real winner at the end of the day is one who understands and works on fixing his flaws, not the winner of the actual game. You may have played the same strategy for every chess game (equivalent of having a certain stand on something your whole life) but it is never too late to alter or change your strategies (equivalent of changing your mind regarding an issue).

~

This used to bother me ALL the damn time since like x years ago. I couldn't help but to argue with people even though (or especially when) I think they're bringing up bad arguments. I envied people (especially my brother) who were able to just dismiss silly comments. But I see being like this has its benefits too.

Seriously, thanks for helping me answer the question. There's this satisfaction in me, both for discovering it and for being able to write about it. And I really haven't written anything particularly Brandon-ish for a really long time, until now. Ahh, welcome back, me.

I feel like..

For some reason,

I dreamt of this joke (actually I saw it before somewhere, but it was recalled!). Anyway, it went like this:

Two Ah Bengs were walking along a street, when suddenly they encountered this pile of cowdung, complete with flies and a stinky aroma.

The first Ah Beng shouted "WOI! Don't step wei - looks like shit le!".

The other one replied "Confirm shit meh?"

Then Ah Beng 1 said "Eh, I dunno wor, come see closer a bit lah".

So they went closer to the pile....

Ah Beng 1 dipped his index finger into the cowdung and then said profoundly "Fuyoh! Feels like shit!".

Then Ah Beng 2, feeling fired up that his friend had touched the cowdung, then picked up a bit of the brown stuff and smelled it "WAHLIAO, smells like shit man!"

Then Ah Beng 1, now, feeling even more fired up, picked up a bit and took a taste and said "Fucker, taste like shit also"...

They both then looked at each other...



And then stood up and started laughing...



"Hahahhaha - damn lucky never step on it right?"

Walking

How many persons in this world, when he/she dies right at this instant and can say out loud, "I've walked this earth?"

I'm not one of them. Heck, I bet that most of the people can't say.

Somethings cannot be explained. Sometimes things that happen, occurs by a faith, a belief, even in a non-entity.

God perhaps? Maybe.

Maybe it's the imaginary rope where you cling on when you fall off climbing the steep cliffs of life.

Or even just by the bond, be it one or many.

Note that I am NOT challanging the existantance of God. I am just merely saying that sometimes, you have to take control of your life. Get it in control. You are no robot to anybody, anyone.

There is a quote from the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness". Yes Happyness, watch the movie to find out about the intentional typo.

Anyway the quote goes, "Don't ever let somebody tell you "You can't do something"; not even me. You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period. " Will Smith (Chris Gardner) to his son, Jaden Smith (Jaden Christopher Syre Smith).

I always wanted to be strong. I put my faith in myself and everybody around me along with my beliefs.

I've tried hard enough, but sometimes it's just not good enough.

No, I'm not doubting anyone or myself.

I'm just tired of playing this game.

Don't worry. I ain't quitting. It's just merely a pause.

On a lighter note: Life has been hectic.