Its time

Thanks to a really thought-provoking conversation, I am finally ready to write about how I feel instead of giving you cryptic entry after entry which you will never figure out anyway.

I'm an atheist. I do not believe in God or any forms of god. I do not believe in a higher power of any sort.

I was at these crossroads at one point in my life where I could go either way, and I honestly opened myself to it. I've been to temple a good number of times, I've talked to a million people about religion and have thought about this for more than half my life. I remember I was about 7 when I first started thinking about this concept of God and asked myself if I genuinely believed in it, as I was given the choice and knew that people either believed or didn't. I wasn't bought up in a way to believe and to be educated that there is God and I should worship Him.

The only reason I'm so closed to the concept of God now is that the period of thinking was over. At one point I could go any way, and a slight influence might have turned me from a skeptic to a hardcore believer. But it didn't. And I've had at least 8 good years of my life to think about that and it was then I made my decision. I don't believe.

I see the strength religion brings to people. Given a situation where my memory was completely erased and I had to choose between believing and not believing, I wouldn't hesitate for a second to choose to believe. I see how powerful it is and how beneficial it can be. But that doesn't make it any easier for me to believe in it.

At this point, because my mind's been so set on the fact that there is no God for me, it would take something monumental to change it. I'd admit here that finding a single flaw in my argument would be the first step towards this change. But I haven't found one yet, no matter how many times I've argued/disagreed/disputed with others. My self-confidence in most issues may be shit but this is the one thing I would lay my life upon.

And today I still await for an argument that would make me pause for even a second to doubt myself or struggle to look for an answer. I've channeled so much of my thinking on this subject and everything I have to say is at my fingertips, which is why I am this confident.

First of all, to the people who would like to give me the millions of examples of things that can't be proven by science or logic, let me stop you there. My reasoning is simple. The absence of something does not necessarily prove the presence of something else. There have only been scientific theories regarding how everything was created, and all attempts at scientific explanation are at the very least flawed. But that does not in any way prove that God was the answer to it. My logic is not that there is always a logical explanation to everything, but that you cannot conclude that God is the answer just because you couldn't find a logical explanation. Life is not a multiple choice question where you can eliminate possibilities of answers out because the possibilities are endless.

So if you are going to give me a million examples of things that haven't been explained by science, allow me to stop you there and say I'm well aware of that, I concede on the fact, but it still does not necessarily prove that God is the answer.

I used to believe. There wasn't a significant event that made me change my mind, but in a sense I sort of 'grew out' of the belief. The more I learnt about logical reasoning, the more I felt less inclined to believe in something just because I didn't have the answers I needed. There are so many things in life that would be simpler for me right now if I just believed and stopped questioning it. But I can't possibly force myself to. Not for anyone. Not even for me.

I'm close to so many people who believe in God in their own ways, and in a way I do feel really sorry for those who genuinely want me to believe because they want me to live a better life. But I feel the need to tell you all that this is my stand for now. I'd like to see the day I'm proven wrong, but I realistically don't see it happening. Ever. If you think I have a perception that's too closed and have blocked Him out, then you may be right, because I've spent too much of my life leaving myself open to it but nothing has changed in that long period of time for me to accept and believe. Thus I remain this way.

Sorry.