Play safe?

Life is like a spectrum most of the time. Its not easy to be confident I have to say. Most of the people you meet are not like what you think. There isn't a good and bad in life. With relation to the above analogy, it can be said that you can be either totally lacking in confidence, in the "middle", or overconfident. In this case I might categorise myself in the confident region, though not yet over- (I know how it felt to be so, and it sucked when I failed at something). To throw everything to the wind in the hopes of winning something against improbable odds is something of folklore, romantists, and the desperate. Though sometimes people win this way, its not really something I might say applies to everyday life, since there are always better and safer ways. I guess the perspective must be put into the picture before it becomes clearer. What will make you take the risks? Perhaps it might be love, money, reputation or even for kicks. Its unique basically. Personally I'm always in a risky game :) call me a risk taker~ When i find things are good, i would disregard factors, foreseen consequences, researches and risks, i would go ahead because i always wanted to create history, good or bad, that would be a great life experience. I don't worry on things that im going to do but i do on things that i afraid results do not appear in the series of expectation. Only by taking risk, you find miracles and beauty of life.

Having faith in relationship (Trust)

Trust.

Now that's obviously a huge word in relationships and I know most of you are gonna think "Of course, you think you're very smart for discovering this?" But a lot of people today need to re-examine their relationships and dig up for the existence of such a term.

Getting jealous of some guy who's too close to your girlfriend and not trusting her not to take things to another level are different things (works with reverse genders). It is a known fact that jealousy fills the hearts of most couples in Malaysia, for stupid reasons such as your girlfriend is talking to her ex-boyfriend, or something.

Yes, being jealous is just an unavoidable feeling. Restricting him/her from talking to their ex or showing how annoyed you are when they do however, just shows the lack of trust in a relationship.

Now obviously the simple philosophy in restricting someone from talking to someone else is just so they don't feel attached to each other anymore. But as a side-effect, your other half in the relationship would obviously feel pressure, like there are things they can and cannot do even where friends are concerned. And to me, it's not something I would suggest you do.

Some of you are thinking now, "Are you stupid? By allowing my gf/bf to be really close with other guys/girls (respectively), they're obviously going to feel something with each other right?"

If you're going to make your partner avoid getting too close to people of the opposite sex, it's not going to help them learn self-control at all because sooner or later, your partner is going to have a good friend of the opposite sex to entertain him/her (in normal ways) while you're busy sometimes. It's an undeniable fact that your other half will mix with people from the opposite sex and there's nothing you can do about it. And it's inevitable that your partner will speak to his/her ex once in awhile and there's nothing you can do about it. So the best thing to do is obviously to let it go.

If you're on the receiving end of this and you go "He/she doesn't care about me, thats why he/she still lets me talk to my ex/get close to a person of the opposite sex" then that's really dumb because all they have shown by doing this for you is the trust they have in you.

I'm not saying I am perfect and having a romantic relationship going on. Everyone does mistake, I did mistake, my partner did mistake, just have to learn forgive/forgiven but don't forget.

All or nothing is easy. But taking something slowly and still being able to control yourself is really something.

Hoping someone you hate to die?

So the question is "is it evil to pray for someone to die?"

As for me, I think there must be something is wrong going hell to do with the person who cursed that due to that statement carries a lot of sins. No matter how much you hate the person, you should never curse or hoping someone to die, I am not a believer but I trust in karma that what goes around comes around. I always believe by saying that is much more cruel than you kill that person because if you do, you are doing it yourself, yet if you hope/pray, you are asking the God to get the job done. Its more like abusing the power of nature to fulfill your task, in the dark side because you see, praying someone to die comes from a very evil heart, like in movie or in bible, they call it "Satan". For Atheist like me or someone who only trust himself, you name it, i would just say that word comes from a bad heart and negative mindset attached with low EQ. 

So what would God says?  I do not know but i think God would want you to accept the person as they are even if their evil. You are cursing someone and bringing trials upon yourself. But if its for people that I love who is suffering in pain due to disease, hoping him/her to die peacefully is to pray for a release of pain of the suffering person and that is asking for mercy to be granted. And if i really do have God in me, i would pray that God would touch the person I hate and change him to a better person because if you sow hatred, it will come back to you, pray to change of heart, not for their death. So do, if you have a friend who wanting someone else to die, you should pray that God will touch him/her to release the poison in his/her heart.

Anyway, it's undeniable nowadays, people are cursing everywhere but if you do not mean what you said, then its fine. But if you cursed the person and you mean it during your climax emotion, and you realize its wrong, then you should apologize because when one person speaks, another person hears, if you curse a person, that person is cursed. You may forgive yourself for saying such, but you did not release the curse from that person. It is a sin that will hit you back, your family and your entire generations.

Fickle emotion

We all know how it's possible to suppress your craving for something and how it'll fade away eventually. Would it work the same way when you're dealing with feelings towards others?

The way I see it, the most realistic way out of my situation is to pull out of it by forgetting about it. Throughout so many years of people to people networking, i have learnt that the more you ignore the lesser it sparks - do not get it wrong, i wasn't saying ignoring the problem, it was more or less ignoring unnecessary comments and arguments that happened to be emotional whereby the person who talked is emotional too. Never deliver your message when you are angry, the next day you wake up, sorry doesn't work anymore. Yes i do experience couples and dozens of sorry and i always choose to forgive. Human brain is a very sensitive and emotional organic information organ, they act because your heart realizes. So always calm down, positiveness must take place.

I'm sick of myself being so obsessive about it. I'm not the kind who likes to make assumptions about my own life based on how I'm feeling. By right, no one should. I always prefer to take the rational style by sleeping it over and getting my emotions out of the way before I make judgement and decision. I use my brains a lot more than I use my 'heart'. I'm a realist. And by facts, not everyone is good in controlling their brains, they thought they do but still doing the same shit thing.

I've been feeling a lot more like a grown-up lately in the sense that I can talk to anyone very rationally about anything at all. The past few days I've been talking to friend about very serious issues like homosexuality, principles in relationships, politics etc. it's serious evaluating and scrutiny of the subject.Through all the settling of the dust of these discussions I feel strangely independent and confident.

Relationship

Have you guys ever thought in which period of a relationship can you actually say "It will last forever"?
Think about it. You're in a really strong relationship with a gf/bf and you do believe it will go far. But most of the time, you'll be wrong. Especially at this (my) age, there's always things like studying abroad that will screw relationships up for people. And otherwise some people do say it to get others in bed. Whatever it is, my point is it will end, somehow - 

or maybe say things actually work out and phase 1 is completed. You get married.

Think about it. You're in a really strong marriage with your wife/husband and you do believe it will go far. But at times, you'll be wrong. Especially in this generation where 50% of marriages end up in divorce, which 50% do you stand in? 50% is a number, and if you do exclude external influence, that really does put the existence of your marriage in a flip of a coin - 

or maybe say things actually work out and phase 2 is completed. You die married.

Think about it. You're in wherever after you die, assume heaven or hell............

Don't expect the point of what I'm trying to say to be at the end of this story. Move back to the question. Basically, will you ever know the outcome of something as fragile as a relationship?

The reality is having two people to agree that they will live together and compromise their differences perfectly forever is..well, non-existent. It only takes one side to screw a relationship up because:

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."
So all the people who are in a relationship or even marriage now, think about it. How absolutely sure are you that the other party is giving a 100% level of committment to the relationship? And the greatest question of all, how sure are you that YOU'RE at that level as well?

And those of you aren't in a relationship, what I'm trying to say is never give up when you like someone who is already currently in a relationship (it happens all the time I'm sure) and go "give up, it's over". Relationships are extremely fragile and anything may happen at any time. If you think it's worth the wait, it will be.

But out of 1000,  1-10 relationships do end up like fairy-tales, living happily ever after and what not. Just don't get your hopes up too high and lastly, cheers. To your relationship or future relationship, and hope for the best.

Anyway, this post is to remind myself on my mistakes that i have done before, because no one is right all the time, no? 

Pessimists?

Let's talk about all of you for a moment.

Let's assume someone had a really good life. A nice wife, a wholesome family and a steady job. Then one day on the way to work he reversed into his wife, the car exploded but he got out alive, his kids were killed in the explosion, and he got fired for being late at a very important presentation all because of one very unfortunate accident. Would you say he's unlucky?

A lot of you would say yes, and my conclusion is, you're all a bunch of pessimists. Yes, I said it. Straight from the mouth of a person on trial for being a pessimist or a realist. Let me explain myself.

You're all going to hate me for how simple my answer is but this sort of thinking has applied very well for me in the recent days. The man was lucky enough to have a good life to begin with. So all you people who are out there whining about what a good life they used to have but threw it away with a stupid mistake or something, just shut the hell up. It is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all; a statement I find rather true, as opposed to all the Disney tales and shit I have shockingly found to be untrue over the years. It's time to just sit back and appreciate that you had something in the first place instead of wallowing in self-pity about how crappy life is now.

I swear if I hear another person whining about what could have been I'll hang them

and 

i swear this is damn cute. Haha

Changeover

Things are going to change drastically come the end of the month, the way things are going. It makes me think that my birthday month in coming 90 days probably isn't going to be all that enjoyable. Yeah, it may sound like people coming and leaving really shouldn't affect me but when so many are leaving at once, it's probably going to be really messy for quite some time; call it a hunch. Well, not bad thou for as i'm a keeper, i don't go random for serious relationship or friendship.

In hindsight, I  realize that things are always destined to become increasingly tougher and never easier because when we get the the way we want, we would want more, and more. Life and the world is built that way, and no, I'm not interested in religious opinions on this case, heard them all, hypocrites. 

Growing up is a pain

"Growing up is a pain!" is probably something you've heard many people exclaim before, one time too many. Admittedly I've gradually grown up these past few years exclaiming that line quite a few times myself. Heck, I still do sometimes, am still whiny about how tough life can be, and overall grew up to be...rather cynical at times.

People seem to take things at face value, something I've used to my advantage these few years. Put on a mask and a persona to fool the world, and they might just glance right over you; makes things easier. That is not to say that other people are not the same, in fact I'm more inclined to believe that almost everyone puts on a mask of their own. Some friends who are closer to me in recent years (my school friends haven't really mix with me much since..graduation from school) would call me two-faced; of course, they are referring to my behavior. I think I picked a persona that is too weak so much so that people get the impression that I'm easy to bully. On top, my partner who used to be with me for more than a year thinks that i am hating her, because that was what her negativity behavior wanted her to think, however i still put a hope in mind she would reply positively rather than a sleeveless essays that'd turned me speechless, perhaps, she should learn to observe from me, deriving what she felt apply back to me that how pain is to leave someone that you love so much, how pain is to miss someone who was the reason you went home every night and wake up with a smile. How sore the feeling seeing the one you love is having good life oversea while you are still struggling. When you are being positive, nothing would goes wrong. Someone just have to know that i don't hate people. However, that's definitely not the case and it's more like I don't want to retaliate. Some of my long time friends probably know of my explosive temper when I was younger till few months back and I haven't really had anything trigger any explosions lately, something I'd like to attribute to my growing control over my emotions. I'd like to think so really, but maybe it's not really that. I dunno.

I find so many defects with myself physically and mentally (shit I'm gaining weight where I don't want them to...), makes me wonder). "Time flies!" eventually becomes so cliche you don't even bother spouting that line anymore, and you get to tell younger people that you "ate more salt than you ever did rice!" Neglecting the fact that salt is pretty widely used in a number of dishes. "Come back again after you have eaten more celery than rice" is what I'll tell you if you say that line to my face.

I think I'm thinking too much. Wait scratch that...I KNOW I think too much and it's actually very much in my nature to think too much, but still not be able to predict and figure out everything. Wish I was born a genius or something, would have made life hella easier. Tough+uncertainties+growing pains=definitely very melancholic day for me.

The television

Merely, I am aimless, motiveless and emotionless, not to mention the soreness in the inner feeling at the sight of the broken TV. I just feel like staying in an incomplete house. I used to have a lot of guests and visitors in my house, and I’m proud to have them in, they are more than welcomed and I love my house when it's full of people. But people don’t come to visit and sit in your room, your living room or your kitchen. Statistic shows 99% of house’s visitors sit in the living room and a living room needs to have TV. I’m a homie fella who definitely loves a TV, TV represents a complete house. I remember the first day I shifted in here; I told myself that this house needs a TV, so I need a TV. Also, I remember I was constantly being reminded by my parents that I don’t watch TV often, yet I insisted, so yes bought, and now broken. So no TV = no Guest = Sad. So everything is clear now when lining everything up. That’s why I love blogging. I used to blog back to 2008, guess I will keep everything posted? I hope I do. Have a nice day.

Feel like blogging yet.

I have opened this writing page for 15 minutes, taking pleasure in the writing and erasing process and I still have no idea what to write. Ever since i came back from Langkawi, I have been staying at home until now, it’s hilarious because If I were the neighbor beside my house, I would be seeing a problematic guy walking in a house alone, indeed I have problems but as a rule, problems only stay within myself. Such tribulations are not collective, maybe yes, yet they ought not to be shared because it must remain unknown though. Seriously, if anyone asks me what my problem is, gravely I have no idea at all. It’s just a load of abundances to tell and I don’t know which to tell. It might be away from your circle of interests, so why tell in the first place, yes? So back to the story, I’m changed. Definitely a changed person, I came no interest to matter that used to be concerned by me, I said no to seafood – ridiculous?, I clean my house every day – holy?, I don’t cook and I dont eat fast food – OMG?, I sleep in the living room every night – creepy?, I ignore everyone I used to talk to – pathetic?.

A post that shouldn't be posted.

no matter how much you hate me, how you backstabbed, framed and badmouthed me, my statement stands. I will be always loving you. And if hating me can make you a better person, i don't mind being hated forever. But honestly speaking, i still do not know what i have cheated or lied on you as per you said. Anyway hope you stay positive and be happy. You have great life ahead. Thanks for the cares and supports throughout the years. I appreciate all of them. Thanks again.

"one day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching"

Inefficient MidValley-The Garden security management and the police

This post is not about how was my Macbook was stolen. It was stolen due to my mistake but there are some issues that I must point out regarding how inefficient was the Garden security and how did my case was handled by the polices.

So a little bit of short introduction, I am a regular customer of The Garden - 5 days in a week, I do always hang out at Starbucks, regular customers would probably know and recognise me, not to mention the staffs/workers, for me they are my friends. So being there, I do feel secured and I do not bother to leave my belongings unattended because they are watching it for me. Maybe irregular customer do not know, for your information, if you do realize, security cameras are all over the places and floors, are around almost all corners, evaluator and escalator, even in parking P1 - P4, you can see guards in every junctions and corners. It seems highly security measured but what if the security cameras (CCTV) are just being there without being utilized when needed?

No, I do not blame the security system for my belongings being taken, it was my fault;

It was 11.30pm when I was about to leave Garden, So I headed to Garden parking P1 to pay for the ticket. It was RM10 and I have 10 pieces of RM1, and I have no hands to pay for the tickets due to my left hand was carrying my laptop and files, and right hand was holding my wallet, so what did I do, I put everything on top the machine to have the payment done and I left. It took me 5 minutes to realize that I have totally forgotten about my stuffs, so I went back and It has already gone. I was nervous until I see there is a CCTV behind the ticket machines where it records people standing in front of the machines and there is navigator in the middle. So since there was no guard around so I called the number stated on the ticket machine and reported my location and I have requested to check on CCTV 10 minutes ago on who has taken my stuffs. The lady in the phone replied;

"couple behind you took your stuffs, they took once you left",
 so I asked again, "Did you see their face?",
 and she said "Yes, they are chinese",
then I asked again "Is the image clear? can I have the video clip",
and she said "Yes, clear image but no, you have to do report tomorrow and let the police take care of it" 

So what I thought was, its alright, I can deal with the police later on. So the next morning I went to - Pondok Polis Mid Valley to make my report. The police lady wasn't polite to me, I know her name, but I'm not going to reveal it, there's a minimum wage system is implementing, she needs the job and we talked and yes she did blame on my carelessness in the first place. Yes I was careless and I regretted but this was not the reason I came to report,

"I just wanted to find that couple who have taken it", and
she asked me back "HOW?" and "Kenapa you tertinggal you punya barang? Kalau saya nampak, saya polis, saya ambik jugak", 

and that statement have made my day, I know Malaysia's polices are like this, so I wasn't surprise,  I was expecting a better, polite, formal and ready-to-help attitude in a place like The Garden but I was like talking to a police in Petaling Street. All my mind was thinking, here is Mid-Valley, The Garden, not mamak, I'm not a Rempit losing a helmet, I'm a businessperson losing my business stuffs.
She has to learn how to speak to her customer and ready to serve. And she made a phone call and connected to Sergeant Santor Singh and that guy asked me to meet him at Police Station Brickfield in Jalan Klang Lama. So I did..

Its a weird police station, no main entrance but anyway, I stepped into the police station and looked for him. So he asked me to wait and I have waited for half an hour and finally he asked me to go in. This is better, at least this guy can speak English in the right manner but again,

"I just want to find the person who took my stuffs",
he asked me back "HOW?",
then I said "check on the CCTV",
and he said "Even can see their face in CCTV, they might have already gone and hard to find"

I wonder do they even have a system. They then connected the line to Mid Valley and asked for the video clip, and what's most surprising was the person in the phone said

"the boy(me) put his laptop on top of machine then left ady but cannot see who take it" 

You can see I put my stuffs on top but you cannot see who taken it? On top of that, what the lady said yesterday was totally different from what did you just said. So you lied? You lied at the part you said you cannot see who took it, you have a CCTV facing the machine, so what is wrong with your CCTV? Are you telling me your CCTV is facing the ground? or you are trying to get rid of police case? That 2 machines are the only machines containing cash, so where's your CCTV is facing?

A CCTV installed facing towards 2 machines

Did you mean "you can do any crime at that machine area and no one would know?"

In P1 hall, there are only 3 exits. One go down to P2 and another one go up to LG and one straight to carpark area. I just assume that your machine CCTV cannot see their face in the hall, but the lady yesterday told me couple wearing white took it, the reason the couple were there with me was to pay their ticket and their car was parked on the same floor, or maybe lower floor,


so its either they headed to P2 and this is P2,

A CCTV right in the middle facing the escalator

or maybe they have gone to LG, and this is LG,

A CCTV right in the middle facing the escalator

If these 2 cameras cant see their face, then did you mean "you can do any crime at that machine area and run to P2 or LG to hide? .

or maybe worst case scenario,
they might have gone out to carpark and drove away but what is this for?

A CCTV facing two exit gates

Did you mean "you can use a knife and cut off my head and drive away like normal?" and you tell ppl "the boy is killed, but cannot see how he was killed and who killed him?" Even if you cant see their face, at least you can get the car plate number.

Back to Sergeant Santor, he then said "Nvm, bring me the video clip and he hung up the phone" and he was not taking this seriously, he was just making my report and that is it. I see no intention from his team to help me out. They just said, they will call me and today is the third day.

I have no idea why is it so hard to find the couple. It 11.30pm and only few people and cars were left, so how difficult it can be? You just have to grab video clips between time "11.25 - 11.40pm" from the CCTVs at the LG, P2 and 3 clips from all 3 exit gates from Garden Carpark. All you have to do is just recognize the clothes in the car and recognize the car plate number. Even my dad can just key in the car number to know the owner's name and address, don't tell me you police can not do better. Yes, you might tell me there might have more couples wearing white, don be silly, we learn probability in Mathematics and its 11.30pm, how more it can be?


My comments toward:

Police, yes this might be a small case but its sad to know this is an unsolvable case for you, means its either you are not taking effort in handling my case, or you are not intelligent enough. The difference between me and you is not between degree holder and a spm holder, its just I took effort to think and you just do things to wait for your monthly salary.

MV-Garden security management, I'm truly disappointed on how you have misguided me and the polices, you can't give precise information to help the customer. You are just being sorry for my lost. You tell lies to get rid of troubles and delays. You are just telling people out there, the security in Mid Valley is just seem to be nice, the camera is there for the sake of being there.

Yes we do have to take care of our own belongings, but if any unpleasant incidents happen, camera would be the witness of the whole proccess to aid the police to investigate, at least there is a clue. Sometimes our belongings just lost/stolen due to our carelessness and lack of awareness, and it was always being regretted, but it does not mean the regretted one does not want their things back, if it happens under surveillance, and the security fail to provide any information to help, then what does security system is implemented for?


Regards.

Definition of Trust

Trust is something intangible but can be seen through one person attitude and behavior towards you. When people are trusting one another, clarification ought not to be made, no further verification - you have said it, I've heard it, no doubts no questions.

The word "trust" is widely used by all prospects in the world, regardless of (un)intentionally of how they judge towards people around them, to environment, to surrounding, to their closest one, to friends and strangers. Hereby, 2 scenarios happen regularly which are stated below:

When you trust a person offset of some occasions or accidents or maybe a conflict, you do not say "i trust you" to the person that you wanted to trust, all you have to do is just continue what are you doing and forget whatever had happened and decided to trust him and neglect rumors. Somehow if you can tell the 3rd party that you trust the 1st person, then your trust is genuine. Likewise, telling the 1st person that you trust him more or less like you do not really trust him normally - just for this time.

Meanwhile, some people tend to use the word "i trust you" - verbally as above-mentioned to hint  the prospect that this is the only time that i trust you, yet environment and people factors take place. This category of trust comes with doubts. For example A tells B "i trust you", and A asks C "is he for real". These people are not genuine.

This word can be harsh at times, whether its in personal or relationship issues or maybe at work. When you say "i do not trust you" or "i would not trust you anymore" can lead to a big wound to an unrecoverable scar. The sense of security has increased but trust has become gone-case. If trust is not in possession anymore, then one does not have to do extra things to regain the trust back.

Or maybe we should go into relationship issue, well, relationship is very subjective and whatever i commented here is subjects to be different from your thought. If you are looking for romantic and stress-less relationship, you can actually watch it in movie/drama. You enjoy watching happy ending, yet looking at mirror and fuck-my-relationship-life and expect your life-partner do the same like how others(movie) did. 

But somehow, i have few of my friends that i have witnessed their sorrowfulness at earlier stage of relationship and they are enjoying coupling now after 4 years as if the world is belong to them. Sad to say, i am not at that level yet, going to be - because environment factors take place. My working scopes are associated with dealing with human behavior/attitude, creating warm relationship to break the ice, creating intimate but limited space of relation kind of relationship. Thus, its hard for me to maintain a real relationship when there's no trust. The trust that i need is 99%. Another 1% maybe i would tell you i have eaten my lunch when in fact, i did not lol.

Say Hi and Updates

Oh lets see. My last post was 24 October 2011. Oh wow that was more than a year since i last updated my blog. I guess i will be start blogging again..

There are few reasons why i would like to start blogging again:

1. This blog is going to be my medium of expressing my feeling towards personal issues and working issues, and of course i prefer holding it alone. I'm weird, i'm a person like this, when i have problem, i just want to be alone and do not like people commenting and with all the time famous quote "i'm sad, sit beside me, don ask, just sit, don worry, be quiet, just sit". Conclusively saying, i'm a person who likes to keep things within myself and private-zoned yet would just want people to know. Thus, this blog is to be set public but will not be shared around. - would want some readers and just some.
2. My English writing has gone worse. It's rusty! I believe by writing blog can improve one's writing skill just like how did my English writing was improved when i have started blogging at year 2007. 
3. There are memories and pictures can be kept here. When your age is getting bigger - i'm not saying older, you will have the feeling to record your life progress and changes because you wouldn't want it to be forgotten, for example; face appearance, body size, maturity which can be measured by how to describe things through writing, changes in lifestyle, changes in perspective, changes in characteristic, albums and etc.

Last but not least, here are some updates for the recent year - October 2011 - January 2013

I'm 24 years old this year

I've achieved company Top Income Earners - January 2012

I've marked my spot in Kenshido Elite Club - April 2012

I've got myself a lovely girlfriend :) - May 2012

I've got myself a brand new car - August 2012

I've got myself few properties - January 2013

I've lost my Macbook :( - January 2013

Regards