Growing up is a pain

"Growing up is a pain!" is probably something you've heard many people exclaim before, one time too many. Admittedly I've gradually grown up these past few years exclaiming that line quite a few times myself. Heck, I still do sometimes, am still whiny about how tough life can be, and overall grew up to be...rather cynical at times.

People seem to take things at face value, something I've used to my advantage these few years. Put on a mask and a persona to fool the world, and they might just glance right over you; makes things easier. That is not to say that other people are not the same, in fact I'm more inclined to believe that almost everyone puts on a mask of their own. Some friends who are closer to me in recent years (my school friends haven't really mix with me much since..graduation from school) would call me two-faced; of course, they are referring to my behavior. I think I picked a persona that is too weak so much so that people get the impression that I'm easy to bully. On top, my partner who used to be with me for more than a year thinks that i am hating her, because that was what her negativity behavior wanted her to think, however i still put a hope in mind she would reply positively rather than a sleeveless essays that'd turned me speechless, perhaps, she should learn to observe from me, deriving what she felt apply back to me that how pain is to leave someone that you love so much, how pain is to miss someone who was the reason you went home every night and wake up with a smile. How sore the feeling seeing the one you love is having good life oversea while you are still struggling. When you are being positive, nothing would goes wrong. Someone just have to know that i don't hate people. However, that's definitely not the case and it's more like I don't want to retaliate. Some of my long time friends probably know of my explosive temper when I was younger till few months back and I haven't really had anything trigger any explosions lately, something I'd like to attribute to my growing control over my emotions. I'd like to think so really, but maybe it's not really that. I dunno.

I find so many defects with myself physically and mentally (shit I'm gaining weight where I don't want them to...), makes me wonder). "Time flies!" eventually becomes so cliche you don't even bother spouting that line anymore, and you get to tell younger people that you "ate more salt than you ever did rice!" Neglecting the fact that salt is pretty widely used in a number of dishes. "Come back again after you have eaten more celery than rice" is what I'll tell you if you say that line to my face.

I think I'm thinking too much. Wait scratch that...I KNOW I think too much and it's actually very much in my nature to think too much, but still not be able to predict and figure out everything. Wish I was born a genius or something, would have made life hella easier. Tough+uncertainties+growing pains=definitely very melancholic day for me.